i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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