Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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