DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
