Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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