Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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