i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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