all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
