Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
