Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
