He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Come on in and take your pants off
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