I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
