'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
