so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
