You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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