i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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