I'm really into asian looking animals
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
