My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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