So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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