I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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