my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
