It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
