you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
