the day after is always just damage control
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize