i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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