I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
