I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
