I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
