I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
