why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
