garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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