Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We have started to decorate penises.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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