She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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