Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
