At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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