Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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