I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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