Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
