my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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