Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Two words: nipple clamps
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