i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
