I showed him my bush... on skype.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
