Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
His nipple licking is glorious
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