Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
