the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
