I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
