I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
