I faked an abortion last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
