That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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