i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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