Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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