not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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