bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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