Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
