U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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