FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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