i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
