I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
