That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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