I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
