a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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