I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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