You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
