I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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