I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
