let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Less talking, more tequila
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
