i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
