he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
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So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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