Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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