Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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