Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
