I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
