Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
