I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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