so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
