dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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