Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
